Of Side Chicks, Side Thoughts and Side Notes

---“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple---Jack Kerouac 

~Of Side Thoughts

When I started this blog, I swore to myself that everything I bring into it would always be a reality that someone close to me, or myself had experienced. I vowed to deliver real life incidents and accidents in these text boxes, this was set with the intention of constructing opinions that would hopefully stir off meaningful debate and discussions far beyond the desktops of those who found themselves reading these entries.

Unfortunately, when I made this promise to self, I had no idea that there would be future implications involved. I was blind to the fact that I would have to dig deep into myself in order to make peace with my past encounters, I figured that this way, I was guaranteed a somewhat objective inside look at self –which in turn would then allow me to open about my thoughts, feelings and insecurities to literally the world. I was also not aware that as a psychology scholar, a lot of what I wish to share in these posts is motivated by those around me and the choices they make in their lives- whether good or bad, I am not one to judge yet I still feel the need to convey and interpret those very choices they make.

Here is my dilemma, I am sometimes afraid to write posts such as today's one in the fear that some of my friends and close acquaintances will feel that I am being a tad judgmental of their life choices.  

Yes, some of my very good friends are side chicks. Some of them are main chicks with side dishes while some take on the role of main chick and side chick at the same time.

But like I said, I am not here to criticize anyone, I mean, I have found myself placed in all of the above-mentioned positions at some point in my life, having admitted to that- let me just confess that being a side-chick is the hardest role and entails the toughest decisions that one could ever confront as a woman.

To have complete access to someone whom you know is not yours but wish every single day would drop the life they have begun with another person to start a brand new one with you.… Go figure.
 

~Of Side Notes

On to today's post, I have said it in the past that times are hard, ratios are imbalanced and everyone longs for some belonging, this is how I justify the growing culture of ‘side dishes’. Anyhow, I still feel that people that subject themselves to this kind of lifestyle must start of with some form of evaluation where they weigh their losses and gains as a result of the decisions they make.

   

Ha ke hane hore Sesotho se re motho e mong le e mong o fepa pere eo a e palamang but I am trying to make sense of men who string three or four permanent side chicks minus ‘wifey’ and STILL maintain these women financially. For the life of me I have tried to understand what could possibly possess someone to be so overly generous as to feed so many mouths without being obligated to do so. Unless one is a billionaire who has run out of orphanages to support, I really cannot comprehend how average income men will choose to go out and find side chicks that will only leave their pockets holed every month end. It makes no economical sense to me how some men will put a hold on their family plans just so they are able to cater for grown women who are perfectly capable of providing for themselves.

The causes of this kind of behavior are obviously far more deep-rooted than I can ever emphasize and call for a psychological analysis of the individuals themselves- a lot of factors can contribute to men (and women alike) searching for approval in one another so much that they comprise more important things for this temporary feeling of belonging

~Of Side Chicks

Add caption

My favorite species in the entire world is women. I cannot speak about them enough; I can never fully articulate how I feel about them, regardless of the number of posts I have dedicated to them. I know first hand the situations we find ourselves in; I know the thoughts and feelings that come to us when in these spaces we get cornered in. I know the pain of caring for someone who will never feel for you how you do about them, I know the hurt that comes with being rejected, I know the agony of being left by someone whom you entrusted your entire life with, I know of the shame that comes with having to turn down someone. I also know that some situations are in our control, I know that we sell ourselves short at times; I know that we love the thrill of that forbidden fruit, we can pretend not to care when we really do, we can avoid those feelings once we start falling for someone but most importantly, we can control how we react to the situation when we find ourselves playing the role of side chick.

Either you get in there and take it with all the excrement that will inevitably come your way or you keep your heart at a distance, whichever way, it has never served any purpose to invest all of your time and energy to someone that was never yours to begin with, chances are they are simply stringing you along and will never be yours alone anyway. Its better that you know and understand the

rules to the game so that you play accordingly, the side chick character cannot be played by the faint-hearted, the weak or the clingy, it is for those that know to draw lines between the heart and the mind, that go along casually without expectations. I repeat, this is not to be played by the weak at heart. We would be doing ourselves a favor by avoiding the expected heartbreak that will follow. Trust me.

Until next post,

Afrika Rising, Peace & Revolution...

'Racism must be Nationalized' (Thoughts of a Radical Being)

 ---“I believe in human beings, and that all human beings should be respected as such, regardless of their color”---Malcolm X 

Nationalize: verb (used with object)

1. To bring under the ownership or control of a nation, as industries and land
2. To make into a nation
3. To naturalize

I am happy. Not because two privileged and intoxicated Afrikaaner boys went on a hate crime binge that ended with one Damane Muzi Gwebu, a black student at the University of the Free State being at the receiving end of their atrocious activity. This is not what has made me happy, in fact this has birthed a brand new kind of anger in me, it has inspired once more, the radical part of me, this incident has me wanting to find Juluis Malema so that we can chant apartheid tunes together that are now deemed as hate crime and can’t be sung anymore. What took place at the UOFS campus this week has me wishing that we could revert back to the teachings of El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz who once said that “Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery”. I am not saying this must happen, I am saying the events of this week has the radical in me wishing back times when freedom would be fought for, by any means necessary!!

I am happy because this turn of events has again taken the South African and more particularly UOFS fraternity ten steps back. This is a racially charged institution that still heavily battles with demons of its past and now once more these demons have awakened to prove a point- that nothing is ever resolved by blatantly denying it and sweeping it under an already over-flowing rug as soon as it occurs.  I am happy because the trampled-on dignity of Damane shall be used as an example (unfairly so too) to uphold that racism is still very much alive, it is just well concealed in very many cases. I am happy that this episode has sent an uproar, especially amongst the youth and has shown their lack of tolerance when it comes to such. I am happy that the UOFS SRC has defied the university’s management and voiced their outrage when instead the wish was that they keep it on the hush-hush. I am happy that much of the narrative behind this incident is driven by the youth, I am happy that they feel some kind of way about it and more so that they have taken a united stand in peacefully fighting away such troubles.  I am ecstatic for people are fuming instead of hiding behind transparent curtains of pseudo-rationale as has been done by Prof. Jansen. I am glad that unlike him, everyone else calls this spade, a spade and they have opted to “assume” that it is a racist attack when he has told them not to jump to [race card] conclusions.

I am only glad that some form of dialogue has been unbolted and that blacks can bask in this glorious moment of anger. Rightful and justified anger.  I am almost as happy as a clam that blacks and whites alike have flooded twitter under various hashtags stating that racism must be dealt with beyond just text and theory.

 "Denying that there is a serious racism problem in our universities will not achieve transformation [1]. Instead, what needs to happen, first, the acknowledgement that these problems are present [2]" @YouthLabZA 

"If we are going to truly challenege racism we need to reflect on the way systematic injustices manifest...[1] In order to challenge racism we need to engage the trauma of our past... [2]I feel quite strongly about the two young white men being prosecuted, but this will not undo racism[3]" - @coconutBOY101

I am glad that although it has been a rude awakening, those that have believed that racism is of the past have opened up to the reality.

The radical in me wants to gather everyone together and suggest that racism be nationalized and by this I simply mean that it be acknowledged and recognized as a mental sickness that must and should be dealt with. I propose that right-wingers confined to anger and bitterness of a history that is plagued by racial inequality and impurities disclose their discomfort with the black race. My radical standpoint believes that when we talk about issues, we work towards healing them, when we open about our anger and our hatred to certain things, we allow for them to leave our conscious state and into the open. When we talk about how we feel, we open up lenient methods of confrontation, when we encourage honesty and frankness in our societies, then we get closer to the root of the problem. But when we suppress social injustices by choosing not to talk about them, we create lead ways to them becoming taboos. I wish for a society that openly communicates their thoughts and feelings in a constructive manner, regardless of the seeming offensiveness of their proclamations. 

This backward form of progression is the brainchild of a radical being. It is not to suggest that those who actually are racist go blurting it out or expressing it through harmful means, it is merely to recommend a communicative nation, especially where the dynamics of race are involved. It is to start by first acknowledging the anger that many still harbor and then talking it through in an attempt to heal from it.

Until next post,

Afrika rising, Peace & Revolution....