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-“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple---Jack Kerouac
~Of Side Thoughts
When I started this blog, I swore
to myself that everything I bring into it would always be a reality that
someone close to me, or myself had experienced. I vowed to deliver real life
incidents and accidents in these text boxes, this was set with the intention of
constructing opinions that would hopefully stir off meaningful debate and
discussions far beyond the desktops of those who found themselves reading these
entries.
Unfortunately, when I made this
promise to self, I had no idea that there would be future implications
involved. I was blind to the fact that I would have to dig deep into myself in
order to make peace with my past encounters, I figured that this way, I was
guaranteed a somewhat objective inside look at self –which in turn would then
allow me to open about my thoughts, feelings and insecurities to literally the
world. I was also not aware that as a psychology scholar, a lot of what I wish
to share in these posts is motivated by those around me and the choices they
make in their lives- whether good or bad, I am not one to judge yet I still
feel the need to convey and interpret those very choices they make.
Here is my dilemma, I am sometimes
afraid to write posts such as today's one in the fear that some of my friends
and close acquaintances will feel that I am being a tad judgmental of their life
choices.
Yes, some of my very good friends
are side chicks. Some of them are main chicks with side dishes while some take
on the role of main chick and side chick at the same time.
But like I said, I am not here to criticize anyone, I mean, I have found myself placed in all of the above-mentioned
positions at some point in my life, having admitted to that- let me just
confess that being a side-chick is the hardest role and entails the toughest decisions that one could ever confront as
a woman.
To have complete access to someone
whom you know is not yours but wish every single day would drop the life they
have begun with another person to start a brand new one with you.… Go figure.
~Of Side Notes
On to today's post, I have said it
in the past that times are hard, ratios are imbalanced and everyone longs for
some belonging, this is how I justify the growing culture of ‘side dishes’.
Anyhow, I still feel that people that subject themselves to this kind of
lifestyle must start of with some form of evaluation where they weigh their
losses and gains as a result of the decisions they make.
Ha ke hane hore Sesotho se re motho e mong le e mong o fepa pere eo a
e palamang but I am trying to make sense of men
who string three or four permanent side chicks minus ‘wifey’ and STILL maintain
these women financially. For the life of me I have tried to understand what
could possibly possess someone to be so overly generous as to feed so
many mouths without being obligated to do so. Unless one is a billionaire who
has run out of orphanages to support, I really cannot comprehend how average
income men will choose to go out and find side chicks that will only leave
their pockets holed every month end. It makes no economical sense to me how
some men will put a hold on their family plans just so they are able to cater
for grown women who are perfectly capable of providing for themselves.
The causes of this kind of behavior
are obviously far more deep-rooted than I can ever emphasize and call for a psychological
analysis of the individuals themselves- a lot of factors can contribute to men
(and women alike) searching for approval in one another so much that they
comprise more important things for this temporary feeling of belonging
~Of Side Chicks
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My favorite species in the entire
world is women. I cannot speak about them enough; I can never fully articulate
how I feel about them, regardless of the number of posts I have dedicated to
them. I know first hand the situations we find ourselves in; I know the
thoughts and feelings that come to us when in these spaces we get
cornered in. I know the pain of caring for someone who will never feel for you
how you do about them, I know the hurt that comes with being rejected, I know
the agony of being left by someone whom you entrusted your entire life with, I
know of the shame that comes with having to turn down someone. I also know that
some situations are in our control, I know that we sell ourselves short at times;
I know that we love the thrill of that forbidden fruit, we can pretend
not to care when we really do, we can avoid those feelings once we start
falling for someone but most importantly, we can control how we react to the
situation when we find ourselves playing the role of side chick.
Either you get
in there and take it with all the excrement that will inevitably come your way or you
keep your heart at a distance, whichever way, it has never served any purpose to invest all
of your time and energy to someone that was never yours to begin with, chances
are they are simply stringing you along and will never be yours alone anyway.
Its better that you know and understand the
rules to the game so that you play
accordingly, the side chick character cannot be played by the faint-hearted, the
weak or the clingy, it is for those that know to draw lines between the heart
and the mind, that go along casually without expectations. I repeat, this
is not to be played by the weak at heart. We would be doing ourselves a favor by
avoiding the expected heartbreak that will follow. Trust me.
Until next post,
Afrika Rising, Peace & Revolution...