Anyone that knows me knows of my estranged relationship with hip hop. Once upon a time I referred to it as 'the love of my life' and at some point it had become nothing more than 'the devils music' to me. You see, me and hip hop go way back, well as far back as 2005 to be precise, and our relationship has proven to be more complex, more genuine, and more passionate than most other relationships I have ever been in. Call me crazy, it won’t be the first-or last.
I remember hearing Sanaa Lathan belt out these lines in the movie Brown Sugar and I said to myself, this is one woman who understands exactly what my relationship with hip hop was about. Sanaa and I were what were called 'heads'. A group of people that listened to hip hop for its deep-fetched, thought provoking, rebellious lyrics that came complete with smoothly laid out beats and a flow compelling enough to hold the listeners attention for well over the three minutes that an average rap track is scheduled for.
Hip hop became the core of my existence the day my ears matured enough to tolerate the bitter commentary that lay with rappers that are exhausted of what they call a 'corrupt system'. It transformed my mind to not only understand what this system was about but turned me against it as well.
To me it was a teacher, a political leader, a voice for the voiceless, a platform for expression, a craft for creativity, an angry child that was never content, a grown man who felt cheated, an abused woman who was tired. Hip Hop was all these things and so much more.
I love hip hop so much that I have dedicated a few of my pieces to her, in one of them I explained how 'she took my hand and then became my friend'. How I wrote it, is how it happened. This charming genre met me at a point in life when nothing really mattered, existence reigned over living. It stepped into my presence, ever so calm, introduced itself to me and spoke of truth, of freedom and of the revolution, a language I didn't quite understand then but loved listening to nonetheless. It spoke to me in a manner so enchanting, whispered in parables and preached in verses, it taught me of sixteens and bars, of free styles and cyphers, of emcees and rappers. It gave me lessons in rebel-hood 101 and passed me to a level of recklessness.
I had easily agreed to its cause and then began a friendship that blossomed into a life long love affair. I loved it and it loved me, it repeatedly proved that in lyrics that I felt were written specifically for me, in pain filled verses that echoed me every sentiment. It never disappointed, at least for some time.
Comedian Chris Rock once said in one of his comedy shows "Women that listen to hip hop just don't give a ph*q"...a statement I personally did not take kindly to. Rock moved on to justify where his obscene remarks had stemmed from. But the damage had been done. He had sent me deep into a journey of self-seeking and soul searching, to a place where I constantly fought with my thoughts, where I scolded myself over and over for embracing misogyny by allowing hip hop to step into my turf.
So began the downfall, I tried to make it work. I listened still but this time around with less emotion attached, but truth remained, hip hop and I would never be the same again. It was ruined, even for the few good guys who celebrated women as pearls of nature; I could not view them as I once had.
Truth be told, I still love hip hop, the same way Sanaa Lathan described her growth with it, is how I still feel when all is said and done. I still cry, laugh and remain amazed by how graceful she remains in her purest form. I'm still awed by her courage and boldness to say some things as they are, and the sheer creativity in which she does this.
I have failed to be politically correct, my male friends slap my wrist by the mention of hip hop being a 'her'- I apologize, for me she still resembles femininity in its full representation...it is still as supple and firm and soft and beautiful and curvaceous and unpredictable as a woman is. It still speaks truth, still stands for the people and is still a voice of the nation.
To Hip Hop: contrary to what the title of this post may infer, you are still the friend that became the love of my life. I just got sidetracked somewhere along the way....still feels like I sampled true love.
Until next post,
Africa Rising, Peace & Revolution....
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