With Love, This Women's Month

---"Being a strong woman is very important to me. But doing it all on my own is not"--- Reba McEntire


 

Alright, so if you follow most of these post you may have been aware and possibly agitated by the fact that almost every single one is synonymous with either struggle, pain, oppression, depression or fighting the power and so on and so fourth and staff like that. In all honesty, I myself have had a tad much with these melancholy notes and so I chose to miss you with the struggle talk just this once. Now you are probably wondering, if I’m not here to speak about black liberation or white supremacy or the struggles of our ancestors or the new but old world order then what am I here to ramble on about. The answer is women.

I have always worn my feelings towards women on my sleeve, I admire women, all of them; there are no exceptions- we swim in the same pool of emotions, we are all connected in our battles, that is why I value every single one of them, that is why to me every one of you daughters of the universe represents a rare and precious gift to all human kind.

And because I love you women of earth, I went out of my way to conduct a bit of research to find out some of our most publicly visible and insanely annoying peeves. If you do not have the heart to bear the contents below then I apologize shem, these opinions come from various individuals of both sexes across a rather vast age range so do not shoot me as I am only the messenger. It is because I love you all so much that I chose to aggregate the sort of information that could potentially work towards your advantage- only if you keep an open mind though.

Alright. So here goes, we will first address the issue of public indecency.  Look, I myself am all for that freedom of expression talk, gift of free will, right to choice- that independent woman chanting but unfortunately ladies this research suggests that we turn it down a notch when it comes to those see through leggings, the sometimes well meaning but turn out to be indelicate camel toes. In the words of another, quit parading half naked to satisfy your greed for attention. The underlying message here is for one to dress for their body size, no extra meats popping out from clothing items and for women to get back to respecting their bodies. I know and understand that we all want admiration, especially from the opposite sex but if you go looking for it in that manner, it will impede your dignity, self worth and the initial respect that people hold for you. This, and so much more is what leads to men and some of our emotionally mature counterparts calling us out on lack of self-value and identity. I will end this chapter here.

On to the baby mamas, bitter ex girlfriends’ and the side chicks. I personally understand that times are tough, everyone needs a little loving empa ho thoe ke le joetse hore le be bitle ka manyofo-nyofo le ho ferekana joalo ka ha eka le malinyane a li fariki. Always know your place and do not come interfering in relationships trying to settle scores, it only makes you seem resentful.

We are apparently too noisy ladies and this makes us look ridiculous and infantile. Personally I don’t quite understand whether this implies that the majority of us talk too much or we talk too loud but either way most hold the opinion that we need to tone it down -especially in public arenas, ladies are seen and not heard.

This breast feeding in public issue unsettles a lot, surprisingly it popped up more than I had expected it would, so to you the baby mamas who feed the kids, too many people out here say they don’t want to see those “stretch marked, saggy leaking tadaaas all whipped out without a care in the world”. This is the reason why baby bottles were created and if you really have no other choice then at least make the effort to cover them up from the glaring looks of passer bys.

I will not get into the weaves versus natural hair talk as we have exhausted this topic since the very first batch of weaves was shipped from India or Brazil or Peru, we know very clearly how the minority feels about this trend, the only valuable piece of advice was that if you choose to go that route then take care of yours- there is no excuse to walk around looking like there’s a dead skunk on your head. I do not want to take up too much time on the issue of make up either- the trick here is to never over do it, as a woman myself, I’ve never quite understood the tweeze it all of and draw it back on eyebrow phenomenon that has some people looking like they were sponsored by nikey.  

This one hit me hard because I personally relate to it. Probably the best standpoint as far as this post goes. I will not paraphrase, as that would be an injustice, “Black women must get over this ‘strong woman’ act that they put on! They go out of their way to prove how “strong” they are by being aggressive and too confrontational. U ko utloe ausi oa Mosotho ha a re o tlo neha motho “damn”! These are unnecessary theatrics! I however also understand that it is just attention seeking exercises because black men are absent. These women crave their attention”. I know more women than I wish to mention who are walking these streets with stone stiff shoulders as a result of the burdens they bear. I know of women that can’t keep onto a good man because they fight too hard to be their equal instead of their lover. I console women, myself included who parade these streets with colgate smiles and hearty laughs only to go home to lonely thoughts, wet pillows and swollen eyes. I also know that women need to get over this ‘strong’ role they have inherited. 

Let this be the last words of advice. This was a personal lesson for me that came down from those that have lived and experienced more than I have. This is generational advice that we must heed because it will save you from a lot of distress as you move along. Sometimes we are too open, a bit brutal in our honesty- this is not necessary. Three women sat me down some week’s back, two married for over ten years and the other in a long-term relationship. They said to me they realize I am too honest in my relationships and if I want their survival I would have to refrain from this. Truth is I am not even at all that honest- I can hardly omit my truth, I am the friend that will not smile and nod agreeingly if you ask me how that hideous dress looks on you- I am not going to tell you to forgive your cheating, lying sorry excuse of a man when you come crying on my shoulder and equally I’m going to call you out on that ratchet behavior should you get out of order. I am going to do this because I love you and I want what’s hopefully best for you, I am going to let you know as it is because I don’t want you becoming the laughing stock of the town, we find pride in keeping one another down, getting back and even with each other, we do not look out for each other and so my being honest is playing my part- however small it my be- in an effort to unify women. So this last piece of advice is that you remain honest yes, but always keep in mind that some truths need not be said, some are worth keeping to yourself because its not everyone that can handle your attempt to stay open and sincere with them. Pick the truths you decide to share with others wisely.

So there you have it bana ba nkhono Kholu. I will go no further in the hope that you have read enough. I believe in the beauty of your being and of your deeds.  

Until next post,

Africa Rising, Peace & Revolution...